Wednesday's child was full of IDIOT!
I'll give you an all too recent example. I get a date (!) with this girl who is far too fit for me (!!) - in fact, it turns out she has a modelling contract (!!!). A date I had agreed to just a few hours previously - thus not providing me with adequete time to worry. So I'm on the back foot already by the time I turn up (with post-walk-sweaty-fat-boy-'glow', which does nothing to help the situation).
Everything starts off alright, chatting an' shit (not literally obviously, that certainly wouldn't bode for a good date - unless you were into that kind of thing, but I wouldn't have thought that is something you'd be discussing on a first date - oh shut up Ed, story time!) Yes story time, story time...yeah so she's nice, the only problem being that I get distracted by the nagging thought that she had forgotten what I looked like, following our introduction, and was now looking for a get out clause. This wasn't helped by the fact that when we attempted to move bars I bumped to a 'friend' who said "Heyyyy Ed and his girlfriend!!!! We're all in there [pointing at a bar surprisingly], come in and join ussshhhh" (he was drunk in case you hadn't noticed). So, as you would in any excellent date, you go and join twenty of your pissed friends in a pub for a grand ol' shake down.
Bearing the fact that she knows none of my friends in mind, she performs magnificently, and it builds my admiration and confidence in her - this is good stuff. So the rest of the night goes alright, despite the obvious drawbacks of twenty of your mates calling her 'Ed's bird' and asking "How long have you been going out?" etc, etc, bloody etc...The night comes to an end and we leave...
So we kiss down a side road, I won't go into glorious detail, but about 8 groups tell us to 'get a room' - ok, fine by me I think! But then suddenly something, somewhere exploded in my head, not literally, and not something I was aware of at the time, but almost certainly at that very moment my common sense and minimal social skills had linked arms and jumped ship.
We get to the taxi queue and she asks "Do you want to get a taxi?"
"Well I only live a walk up there." I say pointing in the direction in which I live.
"It's ok we can drop you off then come back towards mine." she suggests.
"It's in an opposite direction though" (WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING??!!!)
"Oh come on, it doesn't matter" she pleads (as I like to remember) pulling at my arm.
"I kind of like walking with my music on, I have an iPod and everything" I produce said iPod as if it might make her see my point as well impress her with my chicness - oh yeah!
"Ok if you say so."
Now I'm perfectly happy at this point, not really sure why (the unreported 'get a room' section contained no source for satisfaction - I swear that's not a pun of any kind). So she gets in the taxi and drives off home, while I flick on my iPod and dance my way home to McFly's 'That Girl'. I haven't heard from her since.
So I made a number of mistakes that night - however, the 'normal' person might be tempted to keep these to themself, lock them in a little box in their brain, or report them to a blog (stay tuned ;o) ) - no no, me? I'll tell everyone at work on Monday, and then the rest of my friends, so that everyone can laugh at me!! Wahey!
Dear me, a what a foolish boy I am - I let a fit girl slip despite her trying to get me in a taxi with her, then I go and tell everyone what I did! All in a days work eh? Well I suppose things could be worse couldn't they....erm....any suggestions?!